claire

a disclosure

What a girl wants

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So, everyone goes "Goo goo ga ga" over posts like Zei rapthlak dan Part 1, 2 and 3 written by my very zei friend (lol) Fathersphinx, and it makes me realize how people enjoy getting ideas on how to woo a woman and make her fall for you head over heels. And then there are thousands of posts on Facebook pages and Twitter about love and relationships, and it makes me wonder if John Legend's lyric must be true "Everybody knows, but nobody really knows", in this matter, with a different meaning from what John meant. So with this post, I just want to share some of the few experiences I can recall, that me and my girl-friends talked about, where some guys really made it to the top stories of a girl's topic. Remember, girls love to brag, so the crazier you do things for her, the better are your chances. So here it is, What a girl wants (WAGW) :-)

Pizza Corner "What" : Three friends went to eat at Pizza Corner. Since it was a once in a blue moon occasion, they ate, a lot! They ordered Pizza (Large) with an extra of everything along with Coke, Brownies, and even packed it for a friend who could not go with them. They knew the bill would be much, but they did not mind, because they hardly get the chance to do such stuffs together. They waited, waited and waited for the bill, but the waiters didn't bother. So one of them ran out of patience, and went to the manager's desk. "Excuse me, could we have the bill please?", and he replied with a smile "Ma'am, that gentleman has already paid for you", and she screamed "WHAAAAAAT?". It was a happy "what" since the guy was really cute, and an embarrassed "what" too, since they ate so much (haha). Later, after becoming good friends, the guy finally confessed "I never thought you girls would eat so much, I had to ask around to get an extra 500". :D Still, its one of the best moments they treasure till today.
WAGW:  Surprises

Short notes: Once upon a time before cell phone was born, there was a boy who likes a girl. But the girl's dad drinks a lot, and when he drinks, he will shout at any visitor coming, especially if its his daughter's 'guy' friend. So every night, the boy would write something on a piece of paper and throw it up onto the girl's window, sometimes he'll write bible verses, sometimes just a 'hello' or 'goodnight', sometimes he'll wrap one candy with it. They are now married, to two different people (hehe) but I'm sure such memories will remain written in their hearts forever. Its the 'sweet nothings' that can make one fall for you :-)
WAGW: Sweet nothings

The Telegram: This was some years ago about a boy and a girl. Before mobile phones (again). The only source of contact was through payphones. The girl stayed in a strict hostel, no visitors allowed. Due to a misunderstanding, the girl did not call the guy for 2 days. 3rd day, while she was in class, an attendant came and gave a piece of paper to the class teacher. The teacher called out her name. She stood up, surprised, "Here's a telegram for you, please sign here", She read "Dear XXXX, I'm so sorry, please forgive me". The first thing she did right after class - rushed to the telephone booth and called him up. Sweet eh?
WAGW: Find all possible ways to get to her, show her impossible is nothing

The date: Once upon a time, two of my very close friends were/are dating (You know who you are). Valentine's day was coming up, and they were both very broke, but they wanted to do something, and you know, in a town like Aizawl, we don't get many options to hang out. So they decided to eat something at a restaurant with only rs.100 in their pocket. They looked at the menu, and chose the cheapest food they could afford, and had the 'not very' good food, but a 'very' good time. And the sweetest part is, both of them told me about this while they were (ahem) taking a break, at separate times, and both didn't know the other had told me. Sigh! Love! If you're both reading this, get married already!! :P
WAGW: Your time, not your money

Middle School Crush: Long time ago, a boy had a crush on a girl. But he never had the guts to tell her. After 23 years or so, they met in Facebook, and the boy confessed. The girl did not like him at first, because it was after so many years, and that too over an internet, she was scared that she'd make a wrong decision. But the guy did not give up. He knows she may not like him, but he remained a good friend to her. He "liked" all her Facebook pictures, and uses her photo as his phone wall-paper. Finally, they met. The girl started to like him very very much. She said "There may be thousands of reasons that I like about him, but the only thing that made me change my mind was, he never gave up on me".
WAGW: Persistence and assurance

Poker boy: Two people were dating, for many years. They faced many problems in between and also a few complications. The guy liked to play poker, and the girl hated it, because it takes away all her time to be with him. And they had different circle of friends, it was difficult to go out together every now and then. Once the girl went out with her friends, and texted just to inform him that she's on her way home, and that her friends are dropping her. When they reached home, there he was, at the gate of her house, with poker chips in his hands. All he wanted was a kiss goodnight. His friends kept calling him on the phone "Where did you run with your chips?". But all the phone calls were nothing but a background music to them, as they kissed, she may have had a great time that day, but just to see his face made her day complete, and all the complications flew away. Sigh!
WAGW: If its complicated, uncomplicate it!

The Dry Clean man: There was a very beautiful girl, who got out of a long disturbing relationship. She thought to herself over and over, "I don't think I will fall for a guy, ever again". She had to face an interview, so she went to give her suit for dry cleaning. When she went there to collect it, there was a not so handsome guy, and he asked while giving her stuffs to her "Oh, so you're from Mission Veng?", she was a bit surprised, but then understood that he read the receipt where her name and place was written. Then after a week or so, she got a text from an unknown number. She's that kind of girl who don't usually reply to stranger's texts. But the guy introduced himself right away "I am that dry clean guy from that shop". She was curious to know how he got her number. And later, she came to know that the guy had come to her locality, and tried all possible ways to have her number. Finally, he went to a "Prepaid top-up shop", which happens to be his friend's shop, and could get what he wanted. "I don't know if I'll fall for him, but the way he does things is so crazy romantic" she told me with a smile.
WAGW: Dare to be crazy!

The Boot Guy: Once a upon a time, it was a very cold winter in Delhi. There was a boy, who recently got in touch with his long time crush. The girl was in Aizawl and she wanted a boot, since the ones found in Aizawl were very "common". The girl had a friend who lived on the other side of Delhi, so that friend bought the boot for her. Long story short, the guy went all the way from where he stayed to that other part of Delhi, all alone, on a cold winter, to collect that boot, and delivered it to the girl when he went home. That boot will forever remain a "memorable boot" for the girl, even if the style goes out of fashion, that feeling she had for him will never fade.
WAGW: Go the distance for her

The Tattoo: A long long time ago, a boy loved a girl so much, that he tattoo-ed her name on his arm "EVE". He wrote beautiful posts on his blog about her. Though it was a long distance relationship, the girl felt loved. And I'm sure even though she is now married to a different guy (love sucks right? :D), it will remain inscribed in her heart, and may be it would make a story that she'd love to tell, to her kids and grand kids. The tattoo has now become "nEVEr AGAIN" :-)
WAGW: Dare to be more crazy!

PS: So sorry for my continuous updates :-) My mind is super-active these days, while I am hyper busy in lab than any other days, I hardly even get the time to sit during the day, but so much of blog topic keeps popping up in my head. I guess the mind works much better when you're not sitting idly.










You

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You introduced me to a world of email
You said hotmail, rediffmail and yahoomail are the best
You helped me keep in touch with my old friends through long emails

You then asked me to sign up for Yahoo messenger, but msn I didn't like much
You showed me the fun of using ROTFL yahoo smiley with friends, with whom I buzz and chat with
 
You knew I was getting tired of long emails, so you showed me something fast - MIRC
You suggested Se^Norita would make a good nick
You showed me how to chat with new friends, with whom I ping and pm with
You drew out all my cash where I had to pay Rs.50 per hour for using cyber cafes
 
You came one day and said "MIRC is becoming too crowded, go to Hi5, you can have a profile picture there, and even upload and comment on photos".
You taught me how to decorate my Hi5 profile with glittery themes 
You introduced me to more new friends here, with whom I inbox-ed a lot

You asked me to check out Myspace, but I didn't like it that much
 
You then told me to sign up for Gmail, "We can g-talk, it saves phone bills"

You came up to me excitedly one day and said "There's a new place in town called Orkut, you can write testimonials there"
You helped me make more and more new friends there, with whom I scrap with

You then introduced me to one of my (now) favorite place - Blog
You brought out the writer in me, though I know I need to improve everyday
You helped me make even more and more and more new friends here, with whom I blog with
 
You then suddenly said "Orkut is getting boring, switch to Facebook, you can update status and write wall to wall posts, and even tag photos of friends there, the best part - you can play online games". I was excited!
You brought all my Yahoo, MIRC, hi5, Myspace and Blogger friends here, which made things much easier

You also once showed me a music site iLIKE where the only friend I had was cousin Kima who made fun of my playlists most of the time

You introduced me about Skype too, where I can video chat with my friends, but I forgot my password, and never bothered to log back in

You later came to me and said "Try Twitter too, it's fun" 
You said that I can even follow celebrities here, and get their updates

You sadly came one day saying, "Facebook might me down, join Google+, just in case", so I added all my friends where I can +1 their posts

You then told that Instagram is fun too, "You can heart your friend's photos"
You showed how to share my photos instantly from my phone

You were afraid I might leave Facebook like I did to the others, so
You showed me all the new facebook features, where I can now comment and like statuses, where I can even like and edit comments, where I can trace back my old posts using timeline, where I can tag my friend's names, and now I am stuck with it

You also introduced me to Friendster, Classmates.com, MyHeritage, NetLog, Tagged and Linked, but I never bothered to use them

I hope YOU don't disappear one day
Leaving me with no traces of history
Because if that day happens
I will go back to perfumed love letters and birthday cards

YOU, yes, I'm talking about YOU

YOU Social Network YOU :P



I complain

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I complain
That my clothes are outdated
Then God showed me people who don’t even have spare clothes to wear

 I complain
That I’m too short
Then God gave me friends shorter than me who carry themselves with their head held high

 I complain
That I don’t have fingers and toes like them beautiful ladies
Then God gave me a friend having 12 fingers and 12 toes, and is the most confident person I’ve ever met

 I complain
That my skin tone’s not fair enough
Then God gave me beautiful friends having darker skin tones

 I complain
That my Android phone uses up battery too much
Then God showed me a man who doesnt even know what a mobile phone is

 I complain
That I hate mosquitoes, they leave scars on my skin
Then God showed me people living in malaria-prone area who dont even have enough protection

 I complain 
That dad doesn’t understand my problems sometimes
Then God gave me friends who have to live their lives with no one to call “Dad”

 I complain
My house is not cozy enough
Then God showed me people who can’t even afford a house

 I complain
That I’m not given the opportunity to go abroad
Then God showed me people who havent even seen a city bus in their life

 I complain
That life’s too tough
Then God showed me pictures of victims from the Muslim-Bodo riots who have lost all their lands and clothes, and they now live in a school

 I complain
That I don’t have a sister
Then God made me see friends who long to have at least one brother in their life

 I complain
That the money I have is not enough
Then God made me see a man earning his livelihood selling sliced pineapples everyday 

 Tell me, what do you complain about? I guess we have to start counting our blessings so that we can stop complaining and start appreciating

Stand by Me

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How many ‘Stand by me' songs are there any way, which I happen to like? Oh wait, let me rephrase. How many songs having ‘Stand by’ in the lyrics are there any way, which I happen to like?

Was going through my old playlist yesterday, I shuffled out Shayne Ward’s ‘Stand by me’.

“Will I be a part of your life, when the story gets told?” Sigh.

There was this song ‘I’ll stand by you’ by The Pretenders. One of the first love songs that I fell in love with. I loved the part where the girl had to bathe the guy while he’s all weak and moody and sick. (A duat hmel hi ka tia!). I always wondered what reason could it be to make a guy become so sad. By the time it gets tuned again on T.V, I’d totally forget how it ended and I was always so eager to see it all over again. Later, many versions’ came. Carrie Underwood, Girl’s Aloud (did you know that Cheryl Cole was in the band? I just did :P), Glee.. But the original, was and is the best.

Then Oasis came up with another hit ‘Stand by Me’. Loved it, back then. Watched it on youtube just now, I still love it. But ‘Don’t look back in anger’ is my favorite from them. Oh wait, ‘Wonderwall’ too! 

And now, moving on to the greatest ‘Stand by me’ of all times

"Stand by Me" is a song originally performed by Ben E. King and written by King, Jerry Leiber, and Mike Stoller, inspired by the spiritual "Lord Stand by Me,"  plus two lines rooted in Psalms 46:2–3. There have been over 400 recorded versions of the song.

Says Wikipedia :-)

Over 400 recorded versions! Wow!

Some of the versions were by
1)      Ben E. King (The original – still the best)
2)      John Lennon
3)      Tracy Chapman
4)      Andy, Bon Jovi and Richie Sambora (high five to this)
5)      St.Paul’s Quartet – Mahmingi, Mimi Hrahsel, Stephen, Malakia
6)      Seal
7)      4 the cause ( I love!)

Oh wait, go up, back up.. St. Paul’s Quartet? Mimi Hrahsel? :D

*brag alert* I repeat! *brag alert* pruuuuuuuuuuut :P

Right! It was Year 2000. Our teachers in school came up with an idea of releasing an album in celebration of “100 years of Monfortian presence in Mizoram”? (Someone please correct me if I’m wrong with the name of the occasion). And so, my friend Mahmingi suggested we sing ‘Stand by me’ according to ‘4 the cause’ version. She asked me to join her, and I was like “ok”, I did not think they would let me sing the solo part! *honest*. I thought I’d be one of the backup vocals, with the ‘when the night has come, when the night has come” and the “yeah, yeah” part :D. Practice started, my friend would always insist me to try the solo part, just in case she catches cold, or if anything would happen to her. We sang it once or twice in school infront of the other kids and on the day of celebration. Recording started, at Pa Chhuana’s recording studio, New Street, Mission Veng. Then all insisted, I should sing the first (girl) part (00:40 secs). I tried. And I did it! I actually did it! :D. We had fun during recordings. We recorded our school song too. After hundreds of “Haaaaaaail, Haaaaaail”… ta daaa… the album was released. I had a copy, but now I do not know where it is. I stopped listening to it for many years due to evolution from cassettes to compact discs. One fine day, while Facebooking, a friend told me he has the soft copy and had it sent. Listened to it after many years, and reminded me of the fun we had back then. Oh happy days!

I’m the kind of person who cherishes good times with friends, and I want to keep them in my memory forever, but how? So three years ago, I came up with an idea of making Picture slides of good times with my friends, with our version of ‘stand by me’ as the background music, and uploaded it on Facebook. =>Here's<= fb link for my fb friends with a privilege to watch the slide, and here's youtube link of the song for my blog readers :-) (thanks to fathersphinx for the youtube upload, I owe you big time!)

What do you think? :P

I love to sing, I do. After recording this, I came to the conclusion that if I ever talk about my favorite artist or band, I will first listen to their live performance, and then decide whether they are truly good or not. Believe me, recording is easy, singing live, is tough! So here’s one, which you can consider as almost singing 'live'. When I was in Chennai, one of my very good friend was a Pro-Music student, and was interested in making soundtracks. So out of boredom, we decided to record my voice with one of his tracks. (Dik tak chuan, min bawl a). The equipments were - his fruityloops software and his headphone with mic (with which he usually watch movies and voice-chat!). He saved it as “Mimi - ka jai lai” dot mp3. You decide how to modulate “lai” after listening to it. (hehe). All these years, he uses it to blackmail me, “If you don’t do this or that, I will release your song”. I’m tired of getting blackmailed. So here it is... my version of "What I really meant to say" :-)

.....and with this, I get my freedom! Yay! Enjoy! mehehe












I want to ride my bicycle

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I had a chat with one friend when we came up with a random topic, the bicycle :-). We both agreed that it had been so useful for us; and it takes us to places without polluting the air. We found it amazing that there was such a person who discovered the balancing capability of a human being. We considered him a “genius” :-)

thats me! Me! Me! Meme :D
I remember back in the days, when I was a clumsy kid and a very slow learner. Bro Sangtea taught me how to ride. He would push me from behind. Everything would be fine until he says “Ok, I’m letting go”. I’d be automatically out of control. A bruise here and there was the consequence.  So he had to trick me, saying he’s right behind while I was actually riding all by myself. We used to play a lot during school holidays at my late uncle’s yard coz it was the only available plain area nearby. And since we don’t own a big yard and could not visit uncle’s place every time, my bicycle days were over and I could not put it back into practice when school started and bros had to leave home for their education. 

There was once when we visited Prissy’s place in Lunglei. They had a big playground at her dad’s quarter, so I relearned cycling. I still remember our happy faces when small aunty (Nutei) would take us for a “Tawlailir Ride” and we would laugh and scream our lungs out. Niece and blogger Amelia was 3 years old that time. She was the cutest baby ever and the first baby within the family circle after 9 years or so. Everyone loved her. Now I wonder how she could travel such a distance only at the age of 3! We left Lunglei with lingering memories. Memories of our first adult joke ‘nu nu nu, pa pa pa”  which only Prissy and George would remember (hehe) told to us by a funny cousin of theirs, while all our parents were away on a one day trip to the next village for a Tombstone laying ceremony of a deceased Uncle. When we got back to Aizawl, my cycling experience stopped, again.

My dream scooter - sigh! Model - Prissy (hehe)
May 2009, after pleading, begging, crying for a scooty, Dad finally agreed that we buy one for me. Yes, me me me! :-) He had to think it over for 6 months whether I’d be able to ride it safely to the University and back. I was giving up already when he finally made up his mind. There were many colours to choose from, but I chose “purple”. Why? “Because it’s my favourite colour”. Any other reason? No!! Well actually (cough) Yes. “Because it looks girly, so my brothers will not take it out often”. But do they care about the colour? Nooooo! Bro Chhuanawma owns a Royal Enfield but he rides my scooty :D. As a matter of fact, all brothers use it; some use it as a “complete family scooty”, with wife and two kids. Hah! Plan failed. Anyways, bro Sangtea taught me how to ride, all over again. But, no bruises this time. Back to balancing. Yay!


Last December, I arrived here in IITG. As described earlier, the campus is BIG! My stay here was thought to be for a shorter duration, so I didn't think about getting a cycle. A mizo friend was kind enough to lend me one since he has two. So yes, back to cycling. It takes approx 20 minutes to reach the lab from the hostel by walk. So it had served me well until last Saturday, the owner wants it back because his cycle was stolen. It’s been three days now, I'm surviving without it. But it's absence is actually doing me good. I reach the lab earlier than before, and I walk, 20 (morning) + 20 (back to hostel for lunch) + 20 (back to lab) + 20 (night) = 80 minutes a day, without the need of a separate exercise (hehe). My friend has a cycle lying unused because she doesn’t know how to ride. She said I can use it if I want to, but I think, I don’t want to. Let me walk 80 minutes a day, maybe these calories will burn. Burn, you calories! BURN !! :D

I want to ride my bicycle, or maybe not.

Tata!




My beautiful angels - II

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It’s been a while since I’m in the mood to blog. But today, Sunday, at home, peaceful, with droplets of rain on my window, mist covered green mountains when I look beyond the pouring rain, and Adele singing “When the rain is blowing in your face…” on my lappy, gives me just the right atmosphere to jot down my thoughts.

9 days at home, 9 more days to go and my vacation ends. Dayum! Someone please stop the time!

This time, my stay at home is being with the family, mostly with my nieces and nephew. My third niece Puipuii (5 years) has been sleeping with me ever since I returned. And the elder two, Feli and Dindini are all grown up, Feli has become more of a big girl now, we now wear the same shoe size! Kids these days, they grow up too fast. I got them an Angry bird plaything, and they have been busy with it. I got them ‘Angry bird’ erasers, lots of ‘em. Why all stuffs from Angry birds? They love ‘em, I do too, and I wanna play with it too *GRIN*. I’ve written much about these three angels on “My beautiful angels” post, so I feel now I am obliged to write about the younger two, or when they grow up and read my blog, they’ll be sad to see their Aunty not writing anything about them :-)

Pekpeka (2 years, 11 months): He’s my one and only nephew, and the fairest among the five. He is such a sweet boy. Since he lives with his parents in a separate house, I don’t know much to say about his habits, but one thing I’m sure of, he is very very obedient. When he was a baby, he used to be very chubby, we called him “lalpathaua” and his sis Puipuii would call him “ai pathau”. If he wants attention, he would repeatedly call me “A ni” even after responding umpteen times. Our conversation would mostly go on like this: “A ni”, “ei ah” “A ni”, “ei ah” “A ni”, “ei ah” “A ni”, “ei ah” “A ni”, “ei ah” “A ni”, “ei ah” “A ni”, “ei ah”……………… :D He is uber-cool, the gentle kind. He doesn’t beat girls, and sometimes he allows girls to beat him :-). But when the limit is reached, he can be quite manful. He knows when to show “He’s the man!”, yeah, my kind of man :D



Himhimi (2 years, 1 month): This one, she follows me everywhere! Pekpeka calls her “Mim-mim-i” since he cannot pronounce H, and I have been calling her like that, coz it sounds like my name :-) I taught her her first word, which is “A ni” :D. Her mom had some complications during her carriage, and they had to make tough decisions, but by God’s grace, she was born healthy, and hence we named her “Grace” and she has been everyone’s favorite ever since. He, I mean she is just like a boy. (hihi). Very tough, very naughty, playful, she prefers playing with balls over barbies, she has Ben10 crocs, she doesn’t like to wear dresses and hair clips. The other night, she slept with me, her first time away from her parents. Everything was fine until midnight when she woke up and said its time to get up. She kept telling its morning already. I tried to make her sleep but she wouldn’t. So, 3 am, she was watching Nursery rhymes with bro Siama  who’s room is next to mine. That night, everyone except dad got up and tried to put her back to sleep. So funny! Finally she came back to me at 3:30 am, and we could finally put our eyes to rest.





I have plans coming up this week. Mom’s chemo is on 17th, and I can finally take her again. Dinner plans with two groups of friends, Picnic plans (hopefully), a date with Ruati at The Coffee Place (Zarkawt), etc.  All I wanna do now, is stop the time, and spend more time with everyone here. So much to do, so little time! Huhuiz! ciao

The weekly resolution

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Resolutions, yup, I’ve made so many, but is always hard to keep. Few months back, I made a resolution to keep myself, ya know, healthy :D. Being all alone in a hostel, that too in a single room has made waking up ‘early’ in the morning to be one of the hardest tasks. At home, mom or dad or my nieces are my faithful alarm clocks. No matter how many times you “snooze” them, you can’t turn them off, they keep coming back. When I first came to this campus in the year 2009 for a week training, I was in awe of its beauty. I thought to myself if only I had the chance to stay here, I’d be doing so many wonderful things, like staying in the lab 24/7 or jogging around the vast campus having three beautiful lakes inside. And then it struck me. “I should start jogging”. So I started. I had all the time in the world to finish off bath, laundry, quiet time, breakfast, toilet stuffs, broom the room – all after jogging. It felt great. One of my friend joined me later, we went on for a month or so, but exams started approaching, and I couldn't get myself to sleep early (I know, I know.. excuses excuses!) which led me back to square one. I started taking apples, fruit juices and made sure to drink at least four liters of water a day. Consuming apples and fruit juices stopped, trying my best in coping up with the water though. Do I look fit and fine? Nope! As a matter of fact, I’m gaining weight, even though my BMI is 22.3 which is normal (what's yours? :P). Is my skin glowing? Nah! Have my pimples disappeared? Not at all, they re-emerge once in a while. In short, I am now a disorganized undisciplined fat lazy bum!

In our hostel, we, a bunch of girls meet every night to pray. What we usually do is, we sing songs, read ‘Our Daily bread’ and passages from the Bible; share our experiences, share our prayer points and pray for each other. The other night, one of the girls commented that doing all these, we are not living up to it; she said we should put into action, not just getting accustomed with it. Well, in my opinion, I don’t know what I’d be without these girls. Getting to bow my head every night to pray, no matter how good or bad the day may be, has made me lived these past six months without deep regrets. But, maybe she’s right too, maybe we should put in more efforts. And so we came up with a plan last night. Starting from today, we are going to make weekly resolutions. Our first resolution is - read at least two chapters from the Bible every day, for a week. My regular routine is just one which I sometimes rush for the sake of reading. Today, I earnestly read three! And then in the second week, there will be another resolution, like maybe kneeling down while praying, or praising at least one person a day, or no wasting food week, or we can even add waking up early to jog, the list goes on. These are some of the things I have in mind, haven’t discussed it with the girls yet. And whoever finds it useful can keep up with the old resolutions but that’s not mandatory, or else it may pile up, and become a burden. We can experiment ourselves with different kinds of good deeds and keep the ones we want. And I’m hoping this will do me good, to get back on track, be more organized instead of wailing about my bad habits. 

And today was, and still is a bad day. The kind of day you find out when things may not turn out the way you planned. The kind of day when you find out that you have been misjudged. To think that you did everything perfect, started off well, reached the lab on time, read the Bible; and still, it’s ending up bad. But then again, maybe it’s for these times that doing something good will help me keep calm, if not for the resolution, I might be crying right now, but I ain’t, and I won’t!

Home and heart

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Have you ever felt like - You belong to a place, but you don’t exactly know where? You’re heart belongs somewhere but you don’t exactly know with whom? It’s only when you get there, you will know where and only when you are with that someone, you will know who. I guess I will be finding that out soon! 

Home is where the heart is, so they say. I’m going home next week, for a few days, God willing. Lately, I’ve come to realize that I never gave enough time for my family. Being away from home has made me realize the many things I took for granted. This time, I’m excited, and scared!

My aunt with my youngest niece
Excited – because I will get to see the whole family, God I miss them so much! I miss all of them, including my aunt and uncle residing next to us. Cousin Kima once told me it’s a sign of getting old when you learn to understand the importance of family. I guess I’m getting old. I feel the need to be at home, just to be there for whoever needs me!  My aunt (dad’s sis) is not well. In fact, she has not been well all her life. She doesn’t know how to take care of herself. She stays with my uncle (dad’s elder brother), who is now old and weak. While at home, I used to bathe her when I get the time. Mom called me up the other day, she said my two sisters-in-law bathed her (which was so kind of them), and seems she kept enquiring about me. After hanging up, I just cried! And dad, dear old dad, once upon a time, I used to wash his feet, trying out all sorts of pedicures. He always loved it. But my busy schedule made me stop; it’s been 4 years since I have done that for him. Mom, she’s the strongest of all the women I’ve known. She handles her disease so bravely, that it gives me the courage to face the incomparable small obstacles that I’m facing. My brothers, I’ve been bestowed with their unfailing love and support. They have been literally running around for me ever since my stay here in Guwahati. They’ve been busy paying my phone bills, my road tax, my internet bills, and delivering my experimental stuffs that has to be sent from Mizoram every once in a while. Before, whenever someone finds out that I’m the only sister in the family, that too, the youngest, the first comment would always be “How lucky of you, you must be pampered a lot!” I never liked the word “pamper”. So in my defense I would always reply that I’m just like one of the brothers. Now, if anyone makes that comment again, I would proudly smile and say “Yes, I am pampered because my five brothers love me so much………” Friends, yes, my wonderful friends, there’s so many things to catch up that I don’t think my few days will be enough. One of my best buddy, my Kungfu Panda has promised me Lunch at 'Pemarin Corner', because he’s single and lonely (Bwahahahaha..jk). But on one condition that I should not get hitched before the great lunch, so I am trying my best to not get hitched ;-). I can’t wait to see my nieces and nephew - they are my noisy disturbers, my make-up attackers, my high heel destroyers, my nemesis, my sunshine, my world, my life. And Prissy, my soul sister (technically my niece) will be bringing lots of goodies for me (I hope) from her 3 months stay in London. I know she will. :-)

Scared – mainly because when I get to look at my folks, they would have aged more since the last time I saw them, which always saddens me. And the few days will pass by so fast that I’d probably be singing  one more day from the beginning of my stay. And this time, I guess I’ll come to realize if it’s worth giving a shot to find out some of the things I need to find out! I may have to lose a friend or two, or may have to gain new ones. There are chances in life when you encounter someone you’re so compatible with, that you find it hard to let them go when you have to, or maybe not necessarily let them go, but let go of the things which was once fun and exciting. But someone once told me that a true soul will always stick with you no matter what and they will pass the test of time. In life, we win some, we lose some, and reality bites sometimes.

So, Home, here I come, to find out where my Heart belongs!







That awkward moment when...

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your supervisor comes up with a continuous not-so-funny joke, and you have to pretend like you’re laughing really hard at every pause he makes

you have to conduct a prayer service at an ex’s house, with his wedding pictures hanging all over the wall right behind where you stand

you text while walking, and you bump on to a pillar

your boyfriend introduces you to his ex and you have to act real friendly

the buttons of your shirt opens by itself while crossing the road on a windy day, with a bus-stop full of people right in front of you

you meet your ex with his wife and kids during Christmas feast and you quickly pretend to smile at his kids

you meet an online friend for the first time and your voice starts to tremble and you get all shaky

you realize there’s a person walking behind you all along while you were adjusting the back of your tight pants

your teacher constantly looks at you while explaining in class and you have to pretend like your'e thinking real hard

you recall a previous conversation and you start to smile, when you suddenly realize that the person in front of you is watching, so you have to pretend you were smiling at the person behind him

you place the sugar container lid on the much smaller kettle while brewing tea for a first time visitor

 you update a romantic status on facebook and your friend confidently assumes its for another guy

that awkward moment when you just discovered so many websites dedicated to all other awkward moments and you plan to stop writing your post

Hah. So what! These are MY awkward moments :D







My contribution to Father's day 2012

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Yet another Father’s day tomorrow, which would be a reminder for many of us to appreciate our fathers and for some, to miss their dads who had already left for heaven. I’m not going to blog about how necessary or unnecessary it is to put such days as Mother’s Day, or Father’s Day or Friendship Day or Valentine’s day, because most of the comments would be “Every day is a Father’s day, it is not necessary to appoint only one day…..” and so on and so forth. See, I can read your mind :-)
Its been 3 years already, with my post relating to dad, where I wrote My gratitude towards my dad in June 2009. 
Dad and Mom, with my youngest niece on my brother's wedding. March 2012
Today, I just want to reminisce the times I had with him when I was young. Mom was a strict mom back then. So, whenever I wanted new clothes or new toys, I would directly go to dad. And his answer was always “Yes” and mom would exclaim “You will spoil your children someday”, he and I would just giggle along as if we are partners in crime. I remember once on a Christmas Eve, it was after knowing the truth about Santa, I wanted a Doctor’s set so much, that I asked dad for the cash. I went and bought my own Santa Claus’s gift, placed it nicely on the plate I had kept at the bottom of my bed. And the next day, he came and woke me up excitedly “Go open Santa’s gift!” We, both pretending not to know how it came and mom gave us that ‘I don’t believe these two’ face. (Haha). We used to own a restaurant when I was in high school, and dad taught me how to make ‘Suzi’ (Sooji) and bake ‘Plain cake’, and I was the proud maker of such items which we would sell at our restaurant, and I would manage my own pocket money from that, and dad would ask me every day “How is your business today?” (Ka pi, vawin I sumdawnna enge a an?) as if we are in the middle of a child’s play and I would reply with such excitement. Dad taught me so many stuffs, the principles of life, and mostly the importance of not being ashamed of doing a hard laborious work. He would rear pigs up at the terrace, and to reach the terrace, we had to walk past the main road. He would insist I carry the pig’s food  and I would be so scared because if any of my school mates saw me, they would tease me. But that made me who I am today. There was once a time, I fell in love with singing, and I played Elvis Presley’s song 'Don’t cry daddy' rewinding it over and over, and whenever I was practicing along with Elvis, Dad would come by and pretend as if he’s crying in the ‘don’t cry daddy’ line.


He used to make blackboards for me, as I always wanted to play the part of a teacher. Sometimes I run out of friends to play with, and so, I would make dad sit as one of my student, and when I make roll calls for attendance, he would mimic all kinds of voices to say “present Miss” and “absent Miss”. And when I wanted to play a doctor, he would be my patient. I would steal some of his letterheads and strike off his name and replace it with mine ‘Dr. Lalremsiami Hrahsel’ written on the top corner, and I would prescribe all kinds of medicine with a very bad handwriting like them doctors. When I entered teenage years with the application of high heels, I remember he would come walk near me, bending his knee so as to shorten his height, and would say "You have become taller than me, how is this possible?!", and I would always love that. Coming to think of our age difference, him in his 70’s and me in my late 20’s, I now wonder how dad could manage to be such a good friend back then, and now.

Dad is a man of few words. He is funny. He talks less, but works more. He is now a best friend for my four nieces and one nephew. With mom being sick for the past one year, I am inspired by the way he takes care of her. Due to her medication, mom gets very hot-headed sometimes. But I have never seen him getting angry or fighting with her in my entire life. I want to marry someone like my dad, someone who would take care of me, who would make me laugh, at the same time who could be my best friend and my partner in crime :-) 

The Half bottle of Rum thats still left

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He was at the dinner table, and in deep thoughts. Part of him worried that she would probably come home drunk, and part of him reassuring himself that he should not worry too much because of the fact that she had gone out with her childhood friend and they are probably reminiscing good times. It’s been two weeks since she started drinking “continuously” again. He had been taking care of his sister all these years, and he is the only one she would ever confide in. But the distance between them always grows when she makes her choice over liquor. She had promised him once that she would never touch alcohol again. She did pretty well at keeping her promise but made a mistake when she tried to drink her depression away. Well, the fact is, she is beyond the age of getting married. All her friends are either married with kids, while most of them have passed away, mostly due to liver failure. Every facebook photo comments she gets would always remark about her age- “KTP I over der tawh elaw?” “When are you getting married?”, “it’s high time you get married”. He puts himself in her place, “had it been me, God knows if I would be doing the same thing. People- do they realize how much they can hurt other’s feelings with their petty comments? Why can’t they just let her be? Maybe she is not destined to be married. Maybe she was born to be my sister and me to be her guardian angel. Why can’t people just mind their own business, their own husbands and wives, and their own kids?” He was fuming with anger, and woke up from his thoughts to find his fist held tightly against the plate of his untouched cold food.

It wasn't long before he was done with the dishes that he heard someone calling him from outside. He rushed to see his sister-too drunk that she couldn't even stand up on her own. Her friend was also there-also drunk! They stopped several times to climb the stairs as she had trouble breathing, and they both made it to the living room. She tried to leave the house again and even tried to jump off the balcony. He managed to stop her and pulled her down to sit. The two friends were already in a deep conversation. Her (also drunk) friend was lecturing about how she should stop drinking. She could not stand the lectures that they almost got into a fight. While the two friends were talking, he sat close by to stop any kind of fight that might occur again. The friend told her how happily married she is now, and that she too should settle down soon. And he thought to himself “there she goes again with the petty comments, it will surely trigger my sister’s inferiority feelings!”


Trying to take away their conversation subject, he set the table and served dinner. After food, the friend left. It was just him and her. They were sitting at the balcony. He didn't want to ask her anything and waited for her to speak up.

“Bro, do you have dreams? What is your dream?”

“I don’t know if I have any dreams sis” he replied.

She continued “Ever since I was in high school, I had a dream of being in a music band and tour the world, but now, look at me, look at the pathetic me!”

He wanted to advice her to maybe look beyond those dreams, but he was afraid he’d mutter the wrong words and discourage her further. So he kept silent.

She blurted “I think I should go somewhere far away, just disappear, if you know what I mean”

He knows exactly what she meant. She wants to leave---forever. “How can I tell her that there is so much to live for when she has given up on everything?” He tried his best to control his tears while telling her how much she meant to him and to the family, and that nothing would be the same if she was not there. His heart pounded every time she got up to look down from the balcony. The fear that she might jump off in this depressing moment haunted him, and he told himself that he would never let her off his sight. He prayed silently over and over.

She wanted him to help her search for the Rum that she got. She said she wants to finish the half bottle that’s left, then she would quit from the next day. Maybe his prayers got answered that they looked for the Rum, but could not find it anywhere. Maybe she didn't bring it home as she was too drunk. He asked her to go to bed, and to call him if she needed him at all. Finally, she went to sleep. That night, he got down on his knees, and thanked God for giving her another chance to live while many of her friends had left this world.

I, the Lord, have called you in righteousness; I will take hold of your hand. I will keep you and will make you to be a covenant for the people and a light for the Gentiles, to open eyes that are blind, to free captives from prison and to release from the dungeon those who sit in darkness. Isaiah 42:6, 7

SHE

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She
Who always seems so happy in a crowd
Whose eyes can be so private and so proud
No one's allowed to see them when they cry
She
May be the love that cannot hope to last
May come to me from shadows of the past
That I'll remember till the day I die

She
May be the reason I survive
The why and wherefore I'm alive
The one I'll care for through the rough in ready years
Me
I'll take her laughter and her tears
And make them all my souvenirs
For where she goes I've got to be
The meaning of my life is

She

She isn’t getting better. In fact, I think she’s getting weaker. She had completed 4 cycles of chemotherapy. We thought that was the last of it but the doctor has recently prescribed her another 18 cycles of chemotherapy, with 21 days gap. She has taken 2 cycles of these, and she had been bed-ridden almost every day. I don’t want to lose hope, but I think I am :(. She has lost her hair; her skin tone has become darker. I feel bad to see her stand in front of the house, and watch the people going to church. My mom, she’s strong. She’s tough. She wants to get better. She went to shop last Saturday, pretending she’s fine. But she got so tired she slept the entire day and the next, and the next! And the worst part is, I don’t know what to do to be there for her. I would quit my responsibilities and studies for her, but she wouldn’t let me. She wants everyone to live a normal life. I have joined the campus hostel for a month now, since the road to my university is worst than ever. And I have to work harder in the lab. And I question myself over and over, what is the right thing to do? If anything happens to her, will I regret later? Or if I do well in my work, will that make her happier? You know, there was once a case when mom was to arrive home from the hospital after her operation, and that night, I had to go to church since there was a duty I had to fulfill. And ‘someone told someone’ what a shame it was for me to go to church while my mom is really sick. And it broke my heart! I thought I was doing the right thing. But now that I’ve come to think of it, maybe I should have been there.. Mom was perfectly fine with me going to church, she said she has the whole family to be there for her, but I don’t know, is this really the right thing to do? “The whole family is being there for her, but her only daughter is somewhere else”. I wanted to be there for her whenever she takes her chemotherapy; I know she feels at rest when I’m nearby, but since I had to be in the hostel, I’ve missed 2 cycles.

I know I’ve not been the best daughter, I really wish I could do more for her. This year, has not been an easy year for me. And I guess I’m like my mom, I like to pretend that everything’s alright when it’s not. I like to act happy when I’m hurting inside. I don’t want to show my weakness. There are times when I would just burst out and cry, asking God, why me, why me? But then, I think I got my answer while reading a line from the book The purpose driven life, “If you are facing trouble right now, don’t ask, “Why me?” Instead ask, “What do you want me to learn?” Then trust God and keep doing what’s right. Don’t give up—grow up!" Yes, it all comes down to only one point, that God is my only hope and I have to trust Him. But then, I still get weak! My mom, I love her. But maybe I don’t know how to show my love for her. Life—is so tough. I have to be strong…atleast for my mom…I have to be strong…




I hope you dance!

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May 19th 2011 12:30pm: We just found out that mom has breast cancer. She detected a lump on the right side last week, and underwent few tests. On Monday, results reported that it was not cancer. It was a relief for us. But today (Thursday), other tests proved that it is cancer.

She’s not home yet, still at the hospital with my brother and aunt to run some more tests…

At first, my mind went blank. I didn’t want to believe. I was doing laundry and was about to hang the clothes out in the sun, when I overheard my brother on the phone with my other brother asking “What? Cancer??”. I walked straight up to the terrace, did my thing, trying to take my mind away from the bad news. I came down, went to my room, played “I hope you dance” by Lee Ann Womack (which happens to be on my desktop because I downloaded the video just yesterday, and didn’t move it to the song folders yet) and started to cry.

I know I should be optimistic and everything, but these ugly thoughtless thoughts are creeping into my head right now! The thought of not having a mom.. God why is this happening? The thought of not having mom by my side on my wedding day, she wouldn’t be there to hold my children someday; the thought of explaining to my nieces and nephew that grandma would go to heaven soon. I went to the bathroom several times to wash my sloppy face. I went to see what dear old dad was doing; he had fallen asleep. The thought of dad who would sleep alone in their bed one day brought my tears back. I went to the kitchen, looked at the dining table, and again the thought of mom’s seat that would be empty someday made me cry. I opened my blog, read what I wrote for mom’s birthday last year “Mom’s 63rd birthday”, it made me happy to have written that post, because it is going to be a reminder for me every coming year now. I wish she’d live to see her 64th birthday this year, and next year, and the next and the next… Oh God, I’m literally crying and typing right now. Shucks!!

And so, they came home in the evening. She was showing her happy face. She knew I had been crying. I mean come’on! Who would not notice my red nose and sore eyes? My aunt (nutei) prayed. Later, cousin Maremi and Prissy’s family all came together, and we had a family prayer. Cousin read Philippians 4:4-7, which was very comforting. She believes that this cancer is clearly not going to kill her, but rather a wake-up call for all of us, to reach out to God. I believe that too! I’m going to do whatever I can to make mom happy. She’ll be undergoing an operation most probably by next week. So please please please remember my mom in your prayers.

Trust in the Lord for “His ways are different”.

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