Giver or taker? A question that intrigued my mind when I was caught up in a two and half hour traffic jam trip to the city. In life, we come across occasions and celebrations, especially birthdays, where giving gifts becomes a part of it. Why do we give gifts? - To show someone that we care. Well, I guess I will need to rephrase this answer once I’m done writing out my thoughts.
Am I a giver or a taker? The first respond that came was “Yes, definitely a giver!” I love giving gifts. I love doing things for others and making them happy. I love surprising friends with meaningful stuffs. From buying love birds to gold fish, giving Holy Bible to books like ‘Our daily Bread’, buying T-shirts for my brothers to writing compact discs of memorable songs, from surprising a boyfriend with a valentine gift when he was a thousand miles away. And there may be times when you are the one to cash for the contributed birthday cake for a friend, and you feel awkward to collect 50Rs each from the rest of the friends, so you’d rather keep quiet about it. Or that time when you throw a birthday party with no one turning out with gifts, but you are still happy to be with them. And that time when you bought two buckets of KFC for the family, not to forget the trouble you went through while buying it and taking it to the hostel, and asking for permission to use the hostel refrigerator so that it wouldn't get spoiled and then to the airport which claims an extra hand baggage. But when it reached home, none of the family members really did relish it, but I was not unhappy about it. I thought I am pretty much qualified to be called a giver.
But hey, not so fast. Think about what people have done for you but you hardly did anything for them. The first person that came to my mind was Prissy, my sis, my technical niece. We've been growing up together, she’s my best friend in the family, someone who has always been by my side. I can hardly remember what I bought for her, what pain I took to make her happy. The last I know was, I bought her ‘The Beatles’ T-shirt one year back, and, that's it. I don’t remember anything more. And I started to count all the stuffs she did for me, and bought for me. From iPod to dresses, shoes to jackets, Holy Bible to bracelets and chains and key chains, she was there when I cried my eyes out and when I laughed to tears. Shame on me! I had the plan of giving her a surprise birthday party year before last, got in touch with two of her besties Val and Eli, but the plan failed, coz she was out of town. Oh yes, now I know why the gifts from my side was less. Thank God I found a reason (hihi). She was never there on her birthday, or to be precise, we are always on different parts of the world on her birthday. She’s a traveler She goes to the moon and back all the time. Last year, we had a picnic on her birthday - without her (:D). She got caught up with her work in Delhi, and so we had to name the album of the pictures “Prissy’s Picnic - without Prissy” (hehe).
And, there’s niece Amelia. Ever since I can remember, she’d always drop by on my birthday with gifts. Most of the time with chocolates and candies and chips, and sometimes with tiny mirrors and hair brushes :-). But I'm such a bad aunt that I sometimes forget to wish her on her birthday.
And then there’s my third brother, who has bought so many stuffs for me. But when I count the gifts I've given to each of my brothers, the fifth one wins. Its not that I love him more, and love the others less, I guess it just goes with the time and place and situations. And its not that I don’t care for Prissy and Amelia, I love them both to pieces, but the timing is not right sometimes, mostly due to location differences.
And there are friends, my besties, that I would beg for to buy me stuffs. I remember one of my best buddy, my Kunfu Panda. I would suck the cash out of him to let him buy me something. Sometimes lunch would be my treat, and dinner his. I remember once on his birthday, he wanted a car toy. We entered a toy shop. He didn't want people to think that it was for him, coz he’s a bit huge to be playing with such toys (:P), so he told me, we should pretend like we’re buying it for a 2 year old birthday kid. And while looking at the toys, our conversation was, “Do you think the little boy will like this?” “No, I think this is too red for him, I think he’ll like the blue one” (lol). Gosh I miss him. Ever since he’s been so committed to his girlfriend, relationship status “single” for one day, “in-a-relationship” for another (if you know what I mean..hehe), we kinda lost touch. Big guy, if you’re reading this, I miss you, I miss our silly Whatsapp messages and silly talks on love-lives and lab-lives and NET and food and politics :-)
Well, coming to the point of this post, being a giver or a taker doesn't really define a relationship. Its about being happy with the people we love, with or without gifts. Your birthday may turn out to be boring, until your friends suddenly calls you out for an unplanned dinner, when one of them happened to walk into a swimming pool, and smells like roasted beef and you have to keep laughing every time you smell the roasted clothes (lol). Or that moment, after many failed attempts to visit one of Aizawl’s most beautifully decorated area, where you couldn't click even one photo coz it was too crowded and your birthday was just the night when you could click one, and that made it special. Its about being happy, doesn't have to do with gifts at all. So I will rephrase my answer on “Why do we give gifts?” – Its to show someone that we care, while not giving them doesn't mean that we don’t care either. An unconditional relationship gives without expecting.
Am I a giver or a taker? I guess I am both.