claire

a disclosure

I hope you dance!

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May 19th 2011 12:30pm: We just found out that mom has breast cancer. She detected a lump on the right side last week, and underwent few tests. On Monday, results reported that it was not cancer. It was a relief for us. But today (Thursday), other tests proved that it is cancer.

She’s not home yet, still at the hospital with my brother and aunt to run some more tests…

At first, my mind went blank. I didn’t want to believe. I was doing laundry and was about to hang the clothes out in the sun, when I overheard my brother on the phone with my other brother asking “What? Cancer??”. I walked straight up to the terrace, did my thing, trying to take my mind away from the bad news. I came down, went to my room, played “I hope you dance” by Lee Ann Womack (which happens to be on my desktop because I downloaded the video just yesterday, and didn’t move it to the song folders yet) and started to cry.

I know I should be optimistic and everything, but these ugly thoughtless thoughts are creeping into my head right now! The thought of not having a mom.. God why is this happening? The thought of not having mom by my side on my wedding day, she wouldn’t be there to hold my children someday; the thought of explaining to my nieces and nephew that grandma would go to heaven soon. I went to the bathroom several times to wash my sloppy face. I went to see what dear old dad was doing; he had fallen asleep. The thought of dad who would sleep alone in their bed one day brought my tears back. I went to the kitchen, looked at the dining table, and again the thought of mom’s seat that would be empty someday made me cry. I opened my blog, read what I wrote for mom’s birthday last year “Mom’s 63rd birthday”, it made me happy to have written that post, because it is going to be a reminder for me every coming year now. I wish she’d live to see her 64th birthday this year, and next year, and the next and the next… Oh God, I’m literally crying and typing right now. Shucks!!

And so, they came home in the evening. She was showing her happy face. She knew I had been crying. I mean come’on! Who would not notice my red nose and sore eyes? My aunt (nutei) prayed. Later, cousin Maremi and Prissy’s family all came together, and we had a family prayer. Cousin read Philippians 4:4-7, which was very comforting. She believes that this cancer is clearly not going to kill her, but rather a wake-up call for all of us, to reach out to God. I believe that too! I’m going to do whatever I can to make mom happy. She’ll be undergoing an operation most probably by next week. So please please please remember my mom in your prayers.

Trust in the Lord for “His ways are different”.

Mom's 63rd birthday

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Mom turned 63 today.. (wow), I know! And the best part is she’s still keeping healthy by God’s grace, still looks young and beautiful, and still has the most contagious laughter. It wasn’t until recently that we came to know October 1st is her birthday. She’s the 10th child from a family of 11 children of Pu Philip-a and Pi Rothangi (my grandparents I never got to meet); she said her parents forgot to remember the day she was born :-) and all they would talk about, was how they’d carry her on their back, and play with her when she was a baby but never mentioned about the date. I guess remembering birthdays wasn't such an issue back then. A few years back, Upa Chalhnuna (L), an elder from our church suggested she’d check the birthday record book in the Synod Office. So me and Mom went through a really thick old book, and traced her name out, and dad’s too (which is on 3rd December).

 Anyway, I didn’t give much of a thought about what gift I should get for her, because…… I’m broke! *GRIN*. I’ve been shifted to another project, and my fellowship from my new project hasn’t been sanctioned yet, it has been dragging for a month now! Last year I got her a fancy red purse, this year I thought I’d just let it be. But when I woke up this morning, I couldn’t let the thought of me not getting her anything pass by. I need someone to lend me money. I don’t want to ask my brothers or dad, coz I know they’d give me the cash right away without having the need to be repaid. I wanted it to come from my own. Suddenly, my fourth brother’s girlfriend's face flashed through my mind *grin*. So early morning, I asked my dear sis-in-law to-be (hopefully..hehe) for some cash, and told her I will repay her back, but not THAT soon. The first thing that came to my mind was a Mizo traditional Puan.

 Luckily, it didn’t rain in the morning. So I went to class by my scooty. I reached the Department to find that there was some cash for me from my previous project. Oh boy! Was I Happy! “Now I can return the borrowed cash a.s.a.p”. Left the campus at 3pm and there was a slight drizzle. I guess I was in a little rush thinking of all the possible shops where to find the puan; I suddenly encountered a Tripper truck right on the curve and I slipped on a mud. A little bruise on my right leg, no blood, I'll live :-). First checked a shop called Zopar in Chanmari. Then visited Mission Veng Handloom and lastly Tlangnuam Handloom. Mom’s the kind of person who want simple things, and I wanted to get her the perfect gift. Finally made up my mind and drove all the way back to Chanmari and bought her a really pretty puan with black background and multi-coloured pattern at the border. It’s lovely.

 I went home with the smell of mouth-watering mutton curry welcoming me. My first brother was on the move! yay! He cooked, and yes, I love his cooking. We had a family prayer before supper. Mom made a small speech of how happy she is to have lived to see 63, reminding us how lucky we are to be living with no loss of life within the family (Thank you God). My two nieces Feli and Dindini prayed. And dinner was served. Mom loved her gift.

 I’m so happy to see Mom happy on her 63rd birthday. She has been blessed with a loving husband, to whom she has been married to for 43 years, with 5 sons and an adorable daughter (ahem!) :-), with 4 grand-daughters and a grand-son.I wouldn’t have been what I am today if not for her. I couldn’t ask for a better Mom and I’m proud to be her daughter.

 (Just got a text from cousin Prissy saying how happy she is to have my mom till today, and wanted me to mention her name in my blog, so here I am mentioning her name :-) Miss you Pris!)

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