She
Who always seems so happy in a crowd
Whose eyes can be so private and so proud
No one's allowed to see them when they cry
She
May be the love that cannot hope to last
May come to me from shadows of the past
That I'll remember till the day I die
She
May be the reason I survive
The why and wherefore I'm alive
The one I'll care for through the rough in ready years
Me
I'll take her laughter and her tears
And make them all my souvenirs
For where she goes I've got to be
The meaning of my life is
She
She isn’t getting better. In fact, I think she’s getting weaker. She had completed 4 cycles of chemotherapy. We thought that was the last of it but the doctor has recently prescribed her another 18 cycles of chemotherapy, with 21 days gap. She has taken 2 cycles of these, and she had been bed-ridden almost every day. I don’t want to lose hope, but I think I am :(. She has lost her hair; her skin tone has become darker. I feel bad to see her stand in front of the house, and watch the people going to church. My mom, she’s strong. She’s tough. She wants to get better. She went to shop last Saturday, pretending she’s fine. But she got so tired she slept the entire day and the next, and the next! And the worst part is, I don’t know what to do to be there for her. I would quit my responsibilities and studies for her, but she wouldn’t let me. She wants everyone to live a normal life. I have joined the campus hostel for a month now, since the road to my university is worst than ever. And I have to work harder in the lab. And I question myself over and over, what is the right thing to do? If anything happens to her, will I regret later? Or if I do well in my work, will that make her happier? You know, there was once a case when mom was to arrive home from the hospital after her operation, and that night, I had to go to church since there was a duty I had to fulfill. And ‘someone told someone’ what a shame it was for me to go to church while my mom is really sick. And it broke my heart! I thought I was doing the right thing. But now that I’ve come to think of it, maybe I should have been there.. Mom was perfectly fine with me going to church, she said she has the whole family to be there for her, but I don’t know, is this really the right thing to do? “The whole family is being there for her, but her only daughter is somewhere else”. I wanted to be there for her whenever she takes her chemotherapy; I know she feels at rest when I’m nearby, but since I had to be in the hostel, I’ve missed 2 cycles.
I know I’ve not been the best daughter, I really wish I could do more for her. This year, has not been an easy year for me. And I guess I’m like my mom, I like to pretend that everything’s alright when it’s not. I like to act happy when I’m hurting inside. I don’t want to show my weakness. There are times when I would just burst out and cry, asking God, why me, why me? But then, I think I got my answer while reading a line from the book The purpose driven life, “If you are facing trouble right now, don’t ask, “Why me?” Instead ask, “What do you want me to learn?” Then trust God and keep doing what’s right. Don’t give up—grow up!" Yes, it all comes down to only one point, that God is my only hope and I have to trust Him. But then, I still get weak! My mom, I love her. But maybe I don’t know how to show my love for her. Life—is so tough. I have to be strong…atleast for my mom…I have to be strong…
5 comments:
When I saw the title 'SHE' I somehow knew that you're gonna write about your mom. Eh! hre thei em? :-P
A bak chu comment vak ngaihna pawh ka hrelo. May God be with you and your mom and your family. I'll keep you in my prayer. May she get well soon....
‘someone told someone’??
I'm not one to give life lessons but for what it's worth, we cannot live our lives restricted by others' perception. Another day, 'someone will tell someone' that you are using your situation as an excuse to shirk social responsibilities. Haters gonna hate!
Follow your heart, do what you think is right and give it your all if need be, in your career or taking care of your mum, or both. In the end, you will emerge stronger.
She wants everyone to live a normal life. I respect that. I hope everything works out. God bless.
Ka lo comment ve.
It seems to me you're being really brave with your mom's sickness. And although I'm sure all cases are different, breast cancer is one of the more curable cancers, and I hope your mom will make it through her illness. Chemotherapy takes its toll, but hair grows back, and people bounce back. Maybe your mom prefers that her illness does not disrupt her family's life too much, so maybe it's better if you continue with your day to day life, and be there for her on the important occasions. And don't ever mind what other people say, from your post alone, total strangers can tell how deeply you care for your mom, so I'm sure your mother and all the other important people know how much you love your mom. All the best for you and your family.
A va ziahlo ve aw! Lo tawngtai pui dawn che u ania... Btw,nimin tlai ah in biak in ah ka hmu che :)
will always be there for you no matter what!!
we gotta be strong for her.
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