claire

a disclosure

Giver or Taker

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Giver or taker? A question that intrigued my mind when I was caught up in a two and half hour traffic jam trip to the city. In life, we come across occasions and celebrations, especially birthdays, where giving gifts becomes a part of it. Why do we give gifts? - To show someone that we care. Well, I guess I will need to rephrase this answer once I’m done writing out my thoughts.

Am I a giver or a taker? The first respond that came was “Yes, definitely a giver!” I love giving gifts. I love doing things for others and making them happy. I love surprising friends with meaningful stuffs. From buying love birds to gold fish, giving Holy Bible to books like ‘Our daily Bread’, buying T-shirts for my brothers to writing compact discs of memorable songs, from surprising a boyfriend with a valentine gift when he was a thousand miles away. And there may be times when you are the one to cash for the contributed birthday cake for a friend, and you feel awkward to collect 50Rs each from the rest of the friends, so you’d rather  keep quiet about it. Or that time when you throw a birthday party with no one turning out with gifts, but you are still happy to be with them. And that time when you bought two buckets of KFC for the family, not to forget the trouble you went through while buying it and taking it to the hostel, and asking for permission to use the hostel refrigerator so that it wouldn't get spoiled and then to the airport which claims an extra hand baggage. But when it reached home, none of the family members really did relish it, but I was not unhappy about it. I thought I am pretty much qualified to be called a giver. 

But hey, not so fast. Think about what people have done for you but you hardly did anything for them. The first person that came to my mind was Prissy, my sis, my technical niece. We've been growing up together, she’s my best friend in the family, someone who has always been by my side. I can hardly remember what I bought for her, what pain I took to make her happy. The last I know was, I bought her ‘The Beatles’ T-shirt one year back, and, that's it. I don’t remember anything more. And I started to count all the stuffs she did for me, and bought for me. From iPod to dresses, shoes to jackets, Holy Bible to bracelets and chains and key chains, she was there when I cried my eyes out and when I laughed to tears. Shame on me! I had the plan of giving her a surprise birthday party year before last, got in touch with two of her besties Val and Eli, but the plan failed, coz she was out of town. Oh yes, now I know why the gifts from my side was less. Thank God I found a reason (hihi). She was never there on her birthday, or to be precise, we are always on different parts of the world on her birthday. She’s a traveler  She goes to the moon and back all the time. Last year, we had a picnic on her birthday - without her (:D). She got caught up with her work in Delhi, and so we had to name the album of the pictures “Prissy’s Picnic - without Prissy” (hehe).

And, there’s niece Amelia. Ever since I can remember, she’d always drop by on my birthday with gifts. Most of the time with chocolates and candies and chips, and sometimes with tiny mirrors and hair brushes :-). But I'm such a bad aunt that I sometimes forget to wish her on her birthday.

And then there’s my third brother, who has bought so many stuffs for me. But when I count the gifts I've given to each of my brothers, the fifth one wins. Its not that I love him more, and love the others less, I guess it just goes with the time and place and situations. And its not that I don’t care for Prissy and Amelia, I love them both to pieces, but the timing is not right sometimes, mostly due to location differences. 

And there are friends, my besties, that I would beg for to buy me stuffs. I remember one of my best buddy, my Kunfu Panda. I would suck the cash out of him to let him buy me something. Sometimes lunch would be my treat, and dinner his. I remember once on his birthday, he wanted a car toy. We entered a toy shop. He didn't want people to think that it was for him, coz he’s a bit huge to be playing with such toys (:P), so he told me, we should pretend like we’re buying it for a 2 year old birthday kid. And while looking at the toys, our conversation was, “Do you think the little boy will like this?” “No, I think this is too red for him, I think he’ll like the blue one” (lol). Gosh I miss him. Ever since he’s been so committed to his girlfriend, relationship status “single” for one day, “in-a-relationship” for another (if you know what I mean..hehe), we kinda lost touch. Big guy, if you’re reading this, I miss you, I miss our silly Whatsapp messages and silly talks on love-lives and lab-lives and NET and food and politics :-)

Well, coming to the point of this post, being a giver or a taker doesn't really define a relationship. Its about being happy with the people we love, with or without gifts. Your birthday may turn out to be boring, until your friends suddenly calls you out for an unplanned dinner, when one of them happened to walk into a swimming pool, and smells like roasted beef and you have to keep laughing every time you smell the roasted clothes (lol). Or that moment, after many failed attempts to visit one of Aizawl’s most beautifully decorated area, where you couldn't click even one photo coz it was too crowded and your birthday was just the night when you could click one, and that made it special. Its about being happy, doesn't have to do with gifts at all. So I will rephrase my answer on “Why do we give gifts?” – Its to show someone that we care, while not giving them doesn't mean that we don’t care either. An unconditional relationship gives without expecting. 

Am I a giver or a taker? I guess I am both.

Airtel and Me

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The past few months, I have been experiencing shocking, confusing, annoying, dragging, frustrating, waiting, happy moments, all at a stretch, because of Airtel. Hah. Funny eh? So let me start the story.

 (Warning: This may be a long and boring post, so you might wanna skip. But could be informative for those interested in phones and sim card bookings and internet connections) :-)
It all began when my 15 month old Sony Ericsson phone failed me. It was a fine day in the hostel, when I took 2 bucket full of clothes to the washroom, along with my phone for the music to keep me company. If you’re thinking what I’m thinking what you might be thinking- No, I did not drop the phone in water (hehe). I was done with my washing and entered my room with the music still on. And then I got a call from one of my friend. I tried sliding the call receiver but it was not happening! I tried again, and again, and she kept calling again, and again. So I did what I know best- take out the battery and place it back. But this time, I guess I ran out of luck. I tried so many methods, but I could not fix it.  

 I’ve been using Bsnl prepaid on my phone ever since I joined IITG, because its roaming free all over North east India. And my previous Airtel postpaid was placed inside my mom’s old phone, unused. I had in mind to disconnect it so many times, but the thought of Bsnl service not good at my place made me cling to it, and Airtel would be a better option once I get home. I had the thought of getting a dual sim phone as I was a little fed up of my old phone anyway, due to history reasons (hihi), and the perfect time came to keep that thought into action. But I didn't want to give up on my old phone that easily either, even though I could not use the updated version of Instagram no more, and many applications that I could not install due to its lower Android OS version. So I took it to a Sony Ericsson servicing center, but to my luck/unluck, it could not be fixed.
After researching on all kinds of phone, I finally made up my mind on buying yet another Sony Ericsson phone – Xperia Tipo Dual. Its been almost two months now, and I have no regrets so far. Its cheaper compared to the same OS of Samsung, the battery’s lasting, internet is fast, its light and compact. There’s unavailability of torch, call blocker and sending contacts, but thanks to Android apps - Google Play, I could easily download and install them. I’m recommending it to anyone who asks me about my phone, even to my brother. Flipkart will be delivering his, within two days :-)

Having a new phone was fun, but that was when the trouble started. Placed both my sim cards into the new phone. Airtel automatically sent me the mobile internet settings, and Bsnl did not. I knew my Airtel is in roaming, but I never knew the price could be that high. There is no roaming charge as such for gprs, but the rate was 10 paise per 10 kb, that is 10000Rs per 1GB to be precise. Worst part is, I did not request for the internet pack, which is 98Rs per 1GB, because, I thought my Bsnl internet settings would be resolved soon. Don't ask me how shocked I was to see the unbilled amount of my airtel which came after 3 days. One word – OMG. Luckily, I convinced my brother no 3 to do the bill payment and I promised to repay him before forever (mehehe).

Finally I subscribed for the internet pack and its way way way faster than Bsnl. So now, Bsnl is for calls and messages, Airtel is for internet. That's the beauty of having a dual sim and that’s how I settled my problem. I thought that would be the end of it, but hello! more trouble more trouble..

 I’ve been using Tata photon on my lappy, and I guess you all know that they've recently stopped their services in Northeast India. So my option was to use dongle from Reliance or yet again Airtel. Though I faced many problems with Airtel, I decided to go for it again. When I went home for winter vacation, I made a booking. They said the device would be available by the next day, but it was not. Days went on and I had to return to Guwahati. So I requested my friend A to enquire for me, and had it sent. After lots of poking and begging, my friend could manage to get the device and the sim card. Now all we have to do was wait for the sim to be activated. Seven days passed, and nothing happened. So I started calling them. They asked to call back. Called back the next day. And then, they found the problem. I made the booking with my Voter’s ID, and according to them, my Voter’s ID has already been used six times to book Airtel sim card, so it was rejected. My reaction – “Seriously??”. I wanted to find out all the numbers using my ID, I mean, is that even possible? I was so furious. They asked to call back the next day. I called back, AGAIN, the next day. And they asked me to send a xerox copy of my driving licence. They said they will try with that. Finally, I sent a scan copy, but then again they said, I have to attach four passport photos. I was like “What about the previous four that I’ve submitted?”. “We will have to do a fresh booking for a new sim card”. Huis. So my friend went again and asked If I could just buy an Assam sim card. They first said no, since I bought the dongle from them with a Tata photon device exchange offer. Then after reconsidering it, they finally said yes. Phew!

No, the trouble did not end there. Since it was risky to use my ID on Airtel with “What ifs” in my head, I had to request one of my friend, friend B to book one for me in his name. He filled up the form on a Saturday. He realized he made a mistake while filling. He filled up another on Monday. He made a mistake again while filling the address. He filled up another one on Tuesday (Dear Lord, please help him, free him from making mistakes! :P), and he did it! Yay! He gave me the sim card. Now we have to wait for the activation, yet again. I finally got a network on Thursday. But I had to go to my friend for identity proof. Any call I made was forwarded to a customer care for verification, so he had to do the talking. I walked half an hour to reach his hostel, he made the call, and verification was done. I was excited to try out my dongle, finally. But another trouble, shops were closed by then, and online recharge did not work. Aaaarghhhhh!! And so the next day, my friend A did a recharge for me from a shop. Finally, F-I-N-A-L-L-Y, I could use my Airtel dongle and as always, even though the process was hard, with hundreds of calls made to customer care, Airtel did not disappoint me in the end. Blogging now from Airtel 3G dongle with currently a download speed of 2.7 mbps, and the connection speed is set to 3 mbps with the TCP Optimizer. Not bad, not bad at all.

Thanks to friends A and B for all the trouble that you've gone through, and to my brother no 3, for the bill payment, I promise to repay you guys before forever. *pinky promise* :P



Thirteen

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First of all, Happy 2013, Happy New Year!  :-)

New Year is always about having new hopes and dreams. Recently, the years were hard. With mom being sick and minor family issues here and there, my family has been struck with death, diseases, alcohol problems and wrong accusations, love-lives were not smooth, our hearts were torn and broken. But there was always one or two among the family, who did not lose hope in God, prayers were sent to above so many times, now finally, FINALLY, better days are coming..

My family - Christmas day 2012
After hundreds of syringes pierced through mom’s veins to take chemo treatment for one and half year, I was almost in tears when she told me that the doctor had told her she need not take chemotherapy anymore. She has been cured, by God’s grace. We ran all kinds of tests, and no cancer cell was detected in her body. Praise the Lord! All she has to do now, is take medicines, prescribed for five years. Her hair has grown back, and she is still so beautiful. Everyone says I don't measure up to her beauty. Yup, they are right. My mom, the most beautiful and strongest of all women I've ever known.

My fifth brother has finally got a permanent government job. Yay to that too. I am now like the only un-earning member in the family and I feel so spoilt (mehehe). My cousin who has been suffering from Lung cancer is amazingly recovering too. My other cousin who has been singly parenting four kids for almost two decades is now happily married to a very wonderful wife. Seeing how happy they are makes me think, its not too late to find the love of your life even at the age of fifty. They are so old and cute together. (Old? He’s gonna kill me for this. Lol). My cousin who has been wrongly accused of corruption was finally declared UN-GUILTY of all charges. (Wrote this poem during that time – Click on link –> Cloudy Me). Our God is good. Truth prevails! My three brothers are happily married, and I love their kids to death. They are my world. My second sis-in-law is due on March/April. So, another addition in the family soon. Can’t wait!

Dad’s doing well too. He’s my daddy cool. Last week, I took him to an Ophthalmologist. He was prescribed with an eye drop, which has to be dropped six times a day. Well, the problem with dad is, he laughs at the wrong time. Lol. When you try to do an eye drop for him, he starts to laugh, and he can’t stop, and you have to act all serious. Because, if you dare start to smile, he will explode like anything, and when you laugh, your body shakes, and you can’t make that one drop to the eye (haha). Fun times though. 

Dad, first Niece, Me, fourth Niece, Mom on Christmas day, 2012
Well, coming to the title of this post - Thirteen, I guess some way, it is my lucky number, though I’m not much of a superstitious person. Because, in 2011, I was given the privilege to lead one youth group in my church, and our number was thirteen. We excelled in so many ways by God’s grace. And till today, we remain good friends no matter the time and distance. So this year, being 2013, I have great hope that it will be a good year. Well, it already is, I hope it continues.


Isaiah 41:10
But those who wait on the Lord
Shall renew their strength;
They shall mount up with wings like eagles,
They shall run and not be weary,
They shall walk and not faint.

I wish you all a good year ahead. Keep the faith. God Bless!



My december post

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Okhay, here goes an update. First, wanted to start with something like  

Hey guys!!!! I've been so so busy lately that I imagine myself as a ping pong ball. I have to work in between two labs, which is about 200 paces apart, and I keep walking up and down, all day long (night as well). 

Then I thought, work was also quite hectic before, but I still found time to write. Then why did I stop all of a sudden? I wanted to put at least one post in November, but October and November drifted so fast that I forgot to wake Billie Joe when September ended :D. Then, one of the most awaited day 12.12.12 arrived, wanted to update on that day too, but time was not sufficient for me. Well, excuses excuses. But I have come to the conclusion that it could possibly be a Writer's Block. Hmmmm

Anyways, here we are.Winter! My favorite time of the year. December! The month of shopping and celebrations. The month of Christmas lights and New Year hopes. My birthday month. The month I get older and wiser (hehe). The month of reunion with family and friends. But frankly, I'm not THAT excited :-(

Yes, I'm tensed with my research work. I'm aiming for that friggin result, but it just isn't coming out yet. Arghh! God please help me to be patient. The guide has asked me to start writing my thesis. At least that adds some color to the gray. Am looking forward to that. I keep telling myself, things will get better. God is never late. Even when He's four days late, He's still on time. Gotta stay focused.

I have a flight ticket to home on the 24th, it better not be cancelled, or else I'm doomed. But hopefully, I'll be having friends to fly with, so we have an option of taking a Sumo, in case the unwanted happens. Work apart, can't wait to see my family, especially my nieces and nephew. Can't wait to see the decorations near my house. Friends told me its beautifully awesome :-) Since I'll be arriving in the last minute, had asked niece Amelia to put up and decorate the Christmas tree for us. Last year, I wasn't home for Christmas, so Dad did the decoration. And it was.. erm.. messy and nice, with tool boxes in the show case (hihi).

Soooooo, I just wanted to wish you all a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. Happy holidays! 

God bless. 

*WINTER HUGS* 

:-)



My God is in no hurry

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"I may be in a hurry to complete my research, but my God is in no hurry to mold me."

The 'never thought of' words that came right out of my mouth while I was leading the church service this morning.

I came to IITG last December, in a hope to complete my unfinished experiments within six months. But then, things aren't easy as it seems. Going to lab everyday, which sometimes include Sundays, doesn't really pay off, for now. Three of my batch-mates in Mizoram University have already submitted their thesis within four years, and one will be having a pre-submission soon. And I'm still stuck out here, trying all kinds of protocol in developing a Transgenic plant. I'm not getting the expected results and things are getting stressful, and tensions are high. Sometimes I just want to give up and go home. Mom is sick, she needs me. My aunt and uncle needs to be taken care of, Dad is getting old, he'll be eighty in another six years and I feel responsible to be there for them.

Then God spoke to me one night, through His words while we were having our daily prayer meeting in the hostel. Habakkuk 3:17-19


Yes, with just these three verses, my perspective changed and my optimism rebuilt itself. I look back the life spent here, and there never was a day that I regret. 

When I came here for the first time, I didn't know any one. I met my first friend Onisha on day one. She willingly allowed me to stay in her room since it took time to get a room of my own. We stayed together for about a month. She happened to be a Christian, and I started joining their prayer group. We meet every night to pray, and on every Tuesday night, we have a Bible study with Madam Josephine (one of the Professors' wife in IIT). Frankly, in the beginning, I wasn't much into these meetings. All I wanted was to complete my research and leave. But then, God has other plans for me, which I now realize. I have been so blessed with all the prayer meetings and the bible studies. And I have also learned so much from the church I attend, which is Saraighat Community Church (SCC). All the gatherings and sermons and worships have spoken to me one way or the other and I can slowly feel a change in me. If you must be wondering, we do have a Mizo Church, which is one and half hour away from the campus, and it includes morning Sunday schools, afternoon Sermon and evening Youth gathering (KTP). Since I sometimes have lab-work on Sundays, I hardly go there. Well, to me, every church is free for Christians, after all we worship the same God.

And so, I was mentioning about me leading the church service this morning. This is a true testimony for the change in me that I have been talking about. My friends at home will know how much I stammer and shake, when I stand in front of people. My voice trembles and I go tongue tight. But leading the church today, which is by the way, my second time to lead in SCC, I had that inner confidence. I could speak out the things I wanted to say, and everything went so smooth. 

I am in my fourth year of research, but my labmates here are in their fifth and sixth years. The amount of work they do is definitely incomparable to the amount of work we do in my University. The standards are too different. And so, I say to myself, I will have at least a thesis which will be close to their standard, and by the time I have my results, I hope to be a better person, professionally and spiritually. God has placed me here for a purpose and He has written my life way before I was born. He will take care of my family, I need not worry.

So, I gladly say again

"I may be in a hurry to complete my research, but my God is in no hurry to mold me."












My Happily Ever After

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And they lived happily ever after... Sigh! Growing up with fairy tales like Cinderella, Rapunzel and Snow White.. we always want that Prince charming to come rescue us some day, so that we can live happily ever after. The difference between fairy tales and reality lies on the idea of "Happily ever after". In this post, I want to share my idea.

Happiness is not when you get introduced to a random guy who earn lots of money. For as long as I can remember, family and friends have been talking to me about when I should get married and to whom. And the conversation always starts with "Why don't you like that guy, he's a Doctor, give him a chance", or "Why not this guy? He's an Officer" or "That person, he's an assistant Professor". Come'on !! Give me a break! I know this all comes from the heart, and you want a stable future for me, and want me to be "happy", but will I be happy if that Doctor/Officer cheats on me every time? I got in touch with my long lost friend few days ago, and she excitedly asked me "Do you have a boyfriend? Someone wants to know, and he's an Officer". I could have answered her straight away, but when she added "He's an Officer", it kinda made me want to ignore the question. She said "He really likes you." But after coming to know his name, he was the guy who had hit on my friend some few months back, and she didn't like him (haha). Its a small world, too bad. And I don't believe that he really did like me, he's just one of those guys setting a trap all around, so that if one girl refuses him, he'd go to the next. Uff! Guys these days!

My idea of Happily Ever After, is this..


When I was in Chennai, we used to attend the church service which was pretty far from where we stayed. So we would just take an Autorickshaw, after wasting 5 minutes of bargaining. And one day, after church, while we were raising our hands to catch a rickshaw, a scene caught my eye. It was the Pastor's family. Him, his wife and their two small kids hurriedly rushed into a city bus, and they did not even get a seat, they were standing and laughing, happy to be able to catch the bus in time.

I said to myself  "That is what I want". What do I want? I want to be simple and happy. I don't want fancy cars and branded clothes. I want love and honesty. I want compatibility. I want laughter and joy. I want a trusting relationship.

Last Sunday, a couple presented a song, the husband played the guitar and called his wife up, and asked her to pick any song she wants. It was one of the most beautiful presentation I've ever seen. No they did not put on any costume, nor did they practice the song before. They have a normal good voice. But what made me almost shed a tear, was the happiness I saw shining between them.

And I said to myself again "That is what I want". What do I want? I want a happy married life. I want to praise God with my hubby. This doesn't mean he has to know how to play guitar or know how to sing. It simply means, that we should be in harmony so that we can serve the Lord in any way we can. Be it singing, or distributing Bible verses, or attending church together.

People these days, have been so distracted with money and high living, that they tend to forget the real source of happiness. "Money doesn't buy you happiness", we all know and we should remind ourselves more often. So please don't come and try to introduce me to a guy earning millions. God has planned one for me, and He will let me know, at the right time.

After-all, I want to live my Happily Ever After :-)








The only one

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Since birth, I have been so accustomed to having "The only" title, be it in the family or in college. I was born being the only daughter to my parents and the only sister to my brothers, and so, the only girl in the family, until 10 years back, I lost that only girl title when my first niece was born. She somehow occupied my place. But then, I became the only aunt to my nieces and nephew. 

I entered college and I became the only Mizo and the only Christian in my class, and I guess this is going to last as far as my academic life is concerned. I have to mingle with my non-Mizo friends, where I have to be with them trying to understand what they are talking about while they converse in Kannada, Tamil, and now Hindi, and there are many times I go "Duh" because if they forget to explain things to me in English, I lose track of whats happening around me. 

Well, coming to the point, having "the only" title isn't easy. Your responsibility becomes big.
For instance, had I not been the only daughter and sister to my family, I would have married a guy of my choice 10 years ago and lived happily ever after (hehe). On a serious note, the expectations that comes from the family becomes high, and its tough trying to fulfill them sometimes. 

And then being the only Mizo is one big reputation I have to keep. If I do anything wrong or right, people will assume "Oh, thats what Mizos' do". Few days back, my lab-mates showed me a picture uploaded on facebook of Mizo guys killing and roasting a dog, blood spilled all over, with comments like "How can they do this to dogs?" "So cruel" and they asked me "Do you also eat dog meat?" I have to stand there defending my own, telling them that I don't eat dog meat, and its only some of the people, not all of us. As a matter of fact, a picture of any animal, being slaughtered isn't a pretty sight to see. I was there to tell them about it, so that they don't get wrong ideas of my people. But yeah, my ancestors were head hunters, which means we can be mean if we want to, so beware though (:P) 

Being the only Christian (in lab/class), I have to be extra careful in everything I do. "Practicing what you preach" becomes a priority, when you stay among non-believers. Things which may seem a minor issue to some people, like returning that extra 10rs when the salesman makes a mistake in giving you your change, or paying that 2rs (only) balance you owed to the tea stall guy yesterday, becomes means of showing who you are and what you learn from the Bible. You have to keep in mind that, people are watching, and you have to be on guard. And you can actually preach the gospel with your deeds.

Uncle Ben said (In Spider -Man), "With great power comes great responsibility"
Mimi says (In her blog) - "Being the only one brings in great responsibility" :D

Report on 12w challenge - the graph is horizontal :-)

 Here's sharing Adele's "One and only" (not much related to the post though)


The Honest Wedding

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I've had a very sleepless night. I went to bed at 3, and I woke up every hour with all kinds of thoughts running in my head. Then, I got a text from one of my very very close friend in the morning, she's getting married!! Yay. She mentioned very clearly that it is going to be a 2nd degree wedding, not because she's pregnant, and not because they've eloped. She said "We did something that God didn't allow". I replied right away, "I'm so proud of your honesty". I tried to go back to sleep, but I couldn't. With the very active mind that had been thinking all night, my thoughts continued to wander on the hottest topic a girl always like to talk about - Weddings. 

Kate Hudson, one of my fav actress, from the movie Bride Wars
According to my church, couples who had slept together before marriage, cannot get married in church. They have to choose some place else. And I remember when we were small, the brides were not even allowed to wear a white dress, they are not allowed to have a white wedding, 'White' which stands for 'Purity' I guess. One of my cousins wore a yellow gown (:D).

So it has become every girl's dream  every Mizo girl's dream to have a White wedding, to get married in a church wearing a beautiful dress. This has been an influence from the Western culture. We have been influenced so much with the Western world that, some of us take sex so casually, which creates a clash between a girl's dream of white wedding and the rule of not allowing to have one, if you had slept with your hubby-to-be. The thing with Western people is that, they do all these stuffs, but finally when they've made their choice of marriage, they still get to have a white wedding, which is not possible for us. Now, that's when the test of honesty comes. 

Some couples cannot hide their little secret, because the girl becomes pregnant, I'm not going to talk about them. And I don't want to talk about the couples who got married with a secret and still get to have a White wedding, because whats done is done, they've made their choices. What I do want to talk about is, the couples who are yet to get married. With us being Christians, and many of us having titles in church and society, we tend to hide what has happened, afraid to stand up and confess our mistakes. And I've seen lovers breaking their relationship, just because they've done the un-permitted, and since they cannot reveal the truth to their parents and especially to the church, they choose to break up after all the "I love you's" and the "I want to live with you forever". Really? Tell me, where is the love??

Once, there were two lovers, and the girl got pregnant. She confessed before God, but the guy did not want to accept the child. He is the son of a church elder. He had asked her to undergo abortion, but she didn't. She had a son, on her own, and their son has all the features of his dad. The dad got married after many years to another girl, a white wedding of course, but till today, the wife cannot conceive. I'm not going to preach about what people should do, but we should all know, we have a creator up there, from whom we cannot hide, He sees us, and some day, one way or the other, He is going to act according to our behavior.

I don't want this post to be an encouragement to the young boys and girls to sleep with anyone they want. Get married a virgin. That's the best and that's what God wants. But to those who don't qualify to this, you should know it's not the end of the world. We are human, we make mistakes, we get cheated with our emotions. Nobody's perfect. With all the wrong paths that you have walked upon, you can make an U-turn and start walking the right path. Just be honest to God and He will forgive you. Forget about the glamorous white wedding and the titles you have in church, forget about the people who will talk about you because you had made a mistake. Like my friend here, she said her mom's really hurt, and she's going to be more ashamed when the church restricts her from attending important services for some months, after they get informed (Its a must that one should inform the church). I wish the best for them, and I'm 100 percent sure, that God will bless them for their honesty. And though I haven't met her fiance, I can tell that he's very bold and I'm happy my friend is marrying him. I wonder how many guys out there are as bold as him, a guy who isn't afraid to stand up for the truth. We say we hate corruptions, we hate lies, I wonder how many of us are planning to start a family with a lie.

Be brave, be honest. Let your dreams of having a white wedding be flexible, if its going to cost you your honesty. Aim for the more respected "Honest wedding".







Of death

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Of all the things we hear in our busy lives, death is something which always makes us pause and it takes that part of your thought away, for a moment, to quietly grief for the loss of a precious life. When you hear of someone's demise, it grabs you at the core of your heart. It could be someone you know, or a relative of a known person, or could be a tragic accident, like MST bus accident or the Twin tower attack, where that many people died, and you still grief for them, even if they are people you haven't met. If its someone you know, you start to think of the loved ones they've left behind, the life they led, you try to remember the last time you saw them or the last time you spoke. It could be a year back, or yesterday, or just today.

Mom called me up today, to break a shocking news. "U Mazualtei passed away this morning". "How is that possible?" I asked, she's just 40 and I didn't even know she was sick. Mom continued "She has been hospitalized and was in the ICU for some time, she died of brain TB". My heart broke. The first question that pops out in my mind was "Why her?". She's my cousin's wife, my cousin who had died of brain tumor few years back. And they have two kids, just teenagers, just so young. The thought of them growing up without parents pierced me. They are still too small, still too fragile. The news made me think about so many things, about life and how unpredictable we are.

I take a look at myself. God gave me parents till today, and yet I find reasons not to be content. Then I think of them, the many times they will question 'Why' to people, to God, and the very thought of them not receiving a satisfying answer breaks my heart more. The only answer would probably be "Only God knows why". They will watch their friends grow up with parents, there will be a day they see others wishing their own on Father's day and Mother's day, and they will question "Where is mine?" A day they will get into fights in schools and colleges, and doubts in their love lives, they will need some one to be on their side. I am asking the same thing they'd be asking, "God, Is it not enough that you've taken their father? Why the mother too?!" Even though they've got us aunts and uncles all over, we will never be able to replace their parent's place. Life is so unfair some times, but God knows what He's doing. Its just so hard to understand His plans.

I remember when my uncle (mom's bro) passed away a long time ago, niece and blogger Amelia was still in her diapers, 2 years old I think. After the funeral, the little one was staring at the sky for a long time, and finally shouted "A pu Hu" (Grandpa). That made uncle's wife very happy, she felt assured that he has gone to heaven and it was one of the things she spoke most about later in life. So the brighter side is, this place is just temporary and we will all go to reunite in heaven one day.

Some people die with long term diseases, and some lives are taken at the blink of an eye. The fact is, we are all going to die one day, with or without sickness. Where will you go after that? That depends on you, and how you've lived your life. The other question is, have you told someone how you feel about them? Have you shown your love to some one? I've realized lately, that talking about how good a person was, after they have gone doesn't really make sense. We should be able to tell them when they are alive. Telling some one how happy you are to have them in your life, "face to face" is something very difficult for me. But thanks to technology, I can at least tell my parents or brothers how much I love them by typing it out. 3rd Oct was my 2nd brother's birthday, I wished him and he replied "Good to have a great sis", something he wouldn't have told face to face, and it made me glad to know how he feels. Life is too short to hold your feelings. Let it out before its too late.

Leaving you with one of my favorite song - Temporary home by Carrie Underwood.

This is my temporary home, it's not where I belong
Windows and rooms that I'm passing through
This is just a stop on the way to where I'm going
I'm not afraid because I know
This is my temporary home








Mom's 65th birthday

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Happy Birthday Mom! 
Me and Mom on my 3rd Brother's wedding, March 2012 (She is wearing a wig due to her chemo treatment)

She has turned 65 and I am overwhelmed with joy right now. We spoke for half an hour, and I'm just so happy to hear her laughter over the other end of the line. She had so much to say. Our conversation wouldn't have ended if cousin Maremi had not paid a visit to wish her. But I can call her up again, maybe some time in the night.

Looking back at my older posts, I noticed I have mentioned mom in most of my updates, and I have four posts dedicated especially for her (click on links to read the post)

4) SHE

Growing up with some one like my mom, was no doubt quite difficult some times. Because she is organized, disciplined, strict and stern, and very very hardworking. She's the kind of person who cannot simply sit and allow the spider to weave its cobwebs. The kind of person who just doesn't sleep during the day, because of a previous sleepless night. The kind who scolds you when she's mad, but then she doesn't hold grudges on any one.The kind of person who arranges the closet with neatly folded clothes, and who arranges her money to face the exact same side inside her purse (I've inherited this from her). 

People who are lazy and carefree don't usually enter mom's good book. And I'm one of them (:D). Teenage years was the hardest. That time your on the phone with a friend for about an hour, and she comes and tells you to hang up. And that time when a friend is celebrating a birthday, and she tells you to get home before dark. That time you didn't go home before dark, and she starts calling every house of your friends and startle their parents. That time when you're having a good time at a friend's place, the phone rings, and every one guesses "It's probably Mimi's Mom". That embarrassing time your guy friend (having pierced ears) visits you, and she asks "Whose son are you?" with THAT look on her face. That time when every girl was wearing dresses designed in the latest fashion, but she designs yours for you, and you have to wear it without complaining. You can complain, but the thing is, the design remains the same (hehe).

I wanted a sister so much back then, so that we can at least share our worries. As I slowly start growing, I've come to realize that mom is the only best friend I'll ever have. She'll tell me things to do, scold me when I go wrong, after all, she's my mom, and its her job. Mom got married at an early age, and she did not complete her matriculation (Early marriage was a tradition back then I guess). When I passed my Class 10 board exam, she prayed with tears of joy during our family prayer. I won't forget that prayer. She used to say, "I may not have completed my matric exam, but according to my kids, I have passed six times!". Yes, mom was always there for us. She would stay awake as long as we study, prepare maggi or egg for us, sometimes milk with honey. Till middle school, she would sit with me while studying, and prepare questions so that I could self-test myself after every chapter.

I did not get her a gift this time. Last year I managed to give her a touchscreen phone, and you know, mom catches up so fast, she can use her touchscreen phone, send sms and make calls at the age beyond 60. Amazing right? That's my Mom, and I'm proud of her :-) This year, I'm broke (:D). Maybe I'll call her again, and again. After all, gift is not what that matters, its the love we have and the way we show it to some one, that really matters. I'm just so thankful to God, for giving me a Mom like her.

(A little update on the 12w challenge)

Progress? No :P
But I'm hanging on, I'm trying. I'll try harder, as a birthday gift for mom :-)

Good day Y'all !!














Exam - The 12 Week Challenge

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Last night, I was thinking whether I'd be able to go home this winter. While every one was heading towards home for the holidays last year, I was heading away leaving behind a new unworn pair of boots that I've ordered from NEXT. I had to spend the most awaited days of my life - Christmas, My birthday and New year away from home. I can't predict my stay here in IITG, either my boss will extend my stay, or he might tell me to pack my stuffs in October (Its a three months extension basis). Whatever it may be, I have to be here on 23rd December, to write an exam. So either if I stay here, or if I come from home, I will be needing a flight ticket to home before Christmas. I was just browsing through Make my trip site, then I saw a cheap ticket, I bought it without any second thoughts, with all the money I've got in my bank account. But I still can't be sure whether I'll be able to make this trip, its all in God's hands, I should leave it according to His will. 

Ever since I've Post graduated, me and my friends have been applying for the National Eligibility Test (NET), in which we always fail to succeed. My best friend in Chennai once told me "Mimi, I think its a waste. It's like I'm donating 800rs (400 June exam + 400 Dec exam) every year to CSIR". She's from general class, so she had to pay 400rs for applying while we, from the Scheduled Tribe have to pay 100rs.

There are many reasons why we can't clear this exam. Our subject comes under Life Science, and the exam is conducted jointly by Council of Scientific & Industrial Research (CSIR) and University Grants Commission (UGC) . Its not like those other subjects which has been conducted solely by the UGC, and we do not have an exam center in Mizoram. The nearest centers are either Imphal, Guwahati or Kolkata. So we get a little sad when every once in a while, someone updates their fb status "I've cleared NET", and our relatives asks, "How about you?". Its annoying to explain every time, "Their NET and our NET isn't the same!" Unlike the exams conducted by the UGC, there is a 25% negative marking for each wrong answer, and the question itself is very very tricky.

Ok, keeping the excuses aside, whether we like it or not, we have to give this exam. There's no point in wailing about it. And frankly, we don't study, and surely we don't deserve to clear it without studying. Most times I did not attempt the exam, coz I had to travel, and I thought it was a waste of time and money to attempt an exam which I didn't study for. 

I called up Mom this morning, to tell her about the ticket that I've bought for December. She was happy about it. She said she has been having a dedicated prayer exclusively for me these days, and as a matter of fact she was just about to pray when I called her. She wants me to clear this exam. It has been dragging for so long. And truth be told, I'm not a very bright person, I succeed only when I study and work for something. In my B.Sc years, I got 98% in Botany and with it, I broke the record in University of Mysore, and every one thought I was so bright and smart. Well, they did not know how much I studied. I want to be that person again. Someone who works hard, and achieves a fruit out of it.

I turned the pages of the NET syllabus today, click HERE in case your interested to know about it. There are, in short, 13 units, and I have exactly 12 weeks and few days left to face the exam. The 13 units itself has been divided into so many parts, and its a combination of Botany, Zoology, Immunology, Microbiology, Human Genetics etc. I have to get my lazy brain to work. And so I plan to update my progress every week here in my blog, so that I can keep myself disciplined. This little project is going to be tough I know, and my research/lab work will go on in between. But I gotta do what I gotta do! So even if I can't clear the test, I can at least be content about it and say that "I've tried".

To my blog readers - I need your prayers and support, I will keep you updated every week. To mom - please keep praying for me, I will try my best to achieve what you wanted. To that sweet guy who might want some time with me - I will not be available much, and I can't stop you from not talking to other girls. But I promise, once I get done with this test, and if your'e still interested, I can make you a hot cup of coffee or hot chocolate, on a cold winters' night, and we can cuddle up and watch a movie next to our fireplace :-) To Social Networking - I will not try to hibernate from you, because seriously, you have been a part of me since my B.Sc days, and you never were a reason that I don't do well in anything. I hate it when people think its Facebook that controls you. You should control it, don't let it control you. Wish me luck guys.

*NERD MODE ON* 







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